I had no idea this was caused by fear!

I was surprised when I looked at it and saw the FEAR that created it, I never would have thought of it as Fear! See if you relate and this gives you some insight into your own patterns! You can join the class now, only $25.33! 9PM EASTERN Thursday March 25th

I have always felt rushed. For decades now on end, I felt like I never got enough done, despite usually working 13+ hours and day and then staying up most of the night to work more while my family slept. I also had this issue with time… I hated to be early to anything, feeling it was a waste of my time. So the result was, I always put myself behind. I ran late most of the time, usually only about 5-10 minutes, but it created a lot of stress, rushing and tension that I finally realized were unnecessary! Once I almost missed a plane and they actually had to hold it, because I did not want to leave early enough to account for bad traffic, which there was! I was tired of rushing and began to realize the added tension I was creating for myself.

However, as we all know, just wanting to change, does not create change! I have made it a goal for many years to be on time. Then I changed that and had the clocks in my house and car 5 minutes fast to trick myself into getting there on time. Then I tried telling myself I want to be 5-10 minutes early wherever I go. BAM! I hit the resistance. Here I finally encountered the real reasons I was behaving this way despite wanting to change! You’ve felt like that, right? You want to change even a small habit, and you can’t? It is amazing how powerful we are, and yet we can run into huge walls when we want to make changes our conscious mind tells us is good for us.

So, what was it that was keeping me so resistant to leaving on time, and preparing in advance? It was fear. Fear of what? I know, I thought that was silly too… however, when I unraveled what it all really meant to me, I saw it interconnecting to patterns and beliefs from long ago that I was aware of! Yes, our subconscious mind and our beliefs have so much more power than our conscious minds, it is ridiculous! In order to create real change and release emotional energy, physical pain and more, we have to go deeper than just saying ‘I want this”.

Here is what I discovered: I have had a resistance to setting schedules, structure and routine my whole life. OK, that is fine, no biggie. I accept myself and work with it. But something deeper than “that’s just who I am” was at work. Remember how I told you the other day in my blog about how I had locked up my true inner self for most of my life? Well, I took a other one out of the closet after this transformation!

I always held my back very tense and even felt like there was a pushing on my back. This was me, pushing myself to do more, be more, be the best and constantly get better. Needless to say it caused lots of back pain for years and years. Even when I was aware that I did this, it was hard to stop. I never really thought much of it, just that I have lots I want to do, like to do and have to do. I especially felt overwhelmed and out of time since I had kids 13 years ago. Maybe you can relate to that?! Never felt like I finished things and I spent years feeling like I had to work harder and longer than anyone else just to be good enough.

AH! Now we find the real core issue! That most common of limiting beliefs, ‘I’m not good enough”! Yes, it is the most common one, we all have or had some version of this. So here I realized that that old belief (in my case it was more like “I don’t deserve” and “I am not good enough being me, I have to do more, achieve more, be better than anyone else, do more, accomplish more and keep climbing that ladder until I reached some magical place where I would get the approval, the ‘OKAY’ that I was now good enough to deserve what I wanted in life.)

After all these years of rushing and being late and feeling bad about both being late AND giving myself time to be prepared and early, I finally saw how it related back to this one core FALSE belief. A severely limiting and self destructive belief.  You see, what I discovered as I changed this over the last few months is that my resistance to being early, giving myself more time to get ready, have time to myself, and extra time to be on time and be calm and collected, was:

INSIDE, I DID NOT FEEL I DESERVED TO TAKE ANY EXTRA TIME TO MYSELF!

I actually had created a community of habits and beliefs around this that subconsciously told me “You are not good enough. You do not have the luxury of taking more time to yourself to get ready or anything. You have to be working twice as hard , all the time, even when others are sleeping, because you are not acceptable as you are. If you take time to yourself and ‘waste’ time getting places early, you are being selfish and taking time away you should be doing something for others or achieving more. “

Stunning. To me this was a bizarre realization, and yet, true for me! So we can all see how we limit ourselves and create habits that become a part of who we are. We feel we cannot change them and it is just ‘me’. Yet there is always an underlying energetic pattern that begins this. And over time, they become very convoluted and complex! The good part though, we CAN change it!

So where is the FEAR? Well, this was another fascinating realization. The fear I was still holding and which was adding power to these beliefs, habits and attitudes, was not being good enough. It was based on much of what I was told as a child and internalized as true for me.

• “If I take time for myself, I am being selfish, and then ‘they; won;t love me and will take away their love” = FEAR OF LOSS.
• “If I set schedules, and appointments, I may not be ready, I may not be done, caught up and I would be wasting time I need to spend on working hard and trying to be good enough” = FEAR of FAILURE.
• “If I pin myself down to times and meet people, what if I am not good enough and they don’t like me/hire me/approve of me” = FEAR of Approval/disappointment/rejection.
• If I take enough time to not have to rush, I am giving myself an undeserved luxury” FEAR OF BEing Greedy, and selfish. (BTW there is no such thing, these are just illusions).
• “If I  take more time to do the things I need to do I am somehow inefficient and not good enough” FEAR of being Irresponsible, spontaneous….

So what does it boil down to? FEAR of not getting the love I want. Basically all my limiting beliefs and fears come down to this. As I took on the belief that I was not good enough as i am, then I always felt like I had to do more, be more, achieve more, just to be barely good enough to exist, really. Not even to thrive. Strange how we work, huh?

So yes, I have done a great job of taking more time to myself. Taking more time to get ready, to get to appointments, to do things that need to get done. Instead of cramming everything from business, housework, parenting, relationships, learning and creating into an impossible to complete space and time, I am accepting it simply takes time to do these things, and I deserve the luxury of time. Time can become such a perceived enemy. We can put such pressure on ourselves over the strangest and smallest things. Yet they can take over, cause stress and lack and severe inefficiency. Spending 30 years feeling I never had enough time took a physical, mental and emotional toll.

So what are you doing in your life that may relate to FEAR and you may not even know it?

Want to join me tonight on the “Transform Your Fear “class? I hope so, we will delve into some amazing new ways to process, identify and switch your FEAR!

Of course, if you cannot make it tonight, you will receive the audio recording with the processes as well! So sign up and see what you can release in your life to make it more happy, effective and fun!

See you at 8PM central tonight!