Lack motivation? Setbacks? What to do…

By June 29, 2009Blog

I coach people who want to change their life, their income, their happiness and their wealth vibe. Whenever we decide to make major changes in our life we encounter resistance. That is just the way it is. We have ingrained habits, automatic reactions, thoughts and feelings and deeply grooved neural pathways that all support what we now desire to change. It does not just up and fly out the door the second you decide to change. I wish it did, believe me! The best way to think of it, so you do not get frustrated and lose momentum and passion, is to simply see it as if you were learning a whole new subject, music insrtrument, job skill or sport. It is just the same, you are installing new ideas, thoughts, feelings, skills and ways of BEing. If you look at it this way, you can go into it knowing it will take a little time, maybe not long, but at least a little and effort, focus or practice. You may get frustrated, but since your intent is to learn it, then you simply get up and try again, over and over till you get it down.

Here is part of an email coaching session with a coaching client who is dealing with setbacks, lack of energy, procrastination after major progress and a perceived business set back. I think most people can relate to feeling like “I guess I am afraid it will take too long…that I may as well give up now and just be happy with my job…”

“…. So in the meantime, remember when you make any changes to your life that are major, even small ones sometimes too, it is a process of changing habits, thoughts, and neural pathways in your brain. Your ego and other internal systems, that have operated the same way for a long time, are designed to keep you ‘safe’ by keeping you the same/stuck.  Your disappointment with the smoke shop simply dulled your energy and the other family events going on appeared to be also pulling you back.

Similar to parts of you, your family and those close to you will have to adapt to your changes and most people do not like change, in you or anything. This is why we must listen to our own inner voice and move on based on what is within us, not on what is outside of us, even those we love. You must realize that as you change and embrace your power, some people will not like it, but it is just energy and you will begin to attract new people who match the new you based on the new vibrations you are sending out.  Often people do not make the changes they really want in their lives because it feels, initially, that all the forces within them and around them are holding them back and the breakthrough seems harder than it is.
Good news! This is part of the transformation, and the reality is this feeling of being stuck is only skin deep. The key is to choose your new vibrations (thoughts, feelings, reality, beliefs, attitudes…) and keep steady to it, no matter what. Tell yourself that there is nothing more important that staying focused on who you are becoming and what you want and do your best to not let the other stuff distract you.
All the feelings you describe below are easier to understand if you look at it like a little kid having a temper tantrum… that is kind of what your ego and current state are doing to keep you stuck. “Why bother”, “it will be too much work”, “it will never work”, these kinds of things are the limiting beliefs talking. Procrastination is also fear of failure or success. I feel you are having more of a fear of success process. This usually goes something like this: “Why am I working so hard, nothing works out for me anyway. I’ll probably do all this and still get nothing for it. And what is I do get successful Then I have to work hard all the time, and people will expect things from me, I am fin the way I am now, no I am not happy, but how do I know I will really  be any happier when I do all this. What is I succedd and people want money from me? What is I make money and lose it? What if the clients I am trying to get don’t like what I do, or get mad, or cancel… I will look bad and be embarrassed. It is easier if I just don;lt put my self out there and get noticed. I mean I have to contact all these people and what if they say no, and don’t like what I have. It;s all just a waste of time, I am fooling myself thinking things can get better…” and so on…

You know you want more, and there is no going back now, you have tasted a happier life. There is a phase where it feels to hard to go forward and not possible to go back, and that is natural. It is possible for you to have more money and time and anything else you want. Think of this as if you are learning a new job, a music instrument or game. You have to study it, practice, look at your results, practice more keep reminding yourself of this ‘new’ way of being and so on.
You are NOT being lazy, that is a self defeating thought that is not you, it is the resistance. All the thoughts are. You just have to do whatever you can, moment by moment, day by day, to stay focused on your end goal, the feelings of happiness and inner peace you will feel when you have extra income and extra time. Each day it becomes easier and more habituated, until one day you will naturally think and feel this way and just go about your day like this.
It can be easier when you have someone who holds your dream as well, and yet , in truth, you are the one who makes it happen. So if you do not have anyone who ‘gets’ this, no worries, I am here and befriend yourself. Talk to yourself and help yourself, step by step to take a little action doing what you know you want to do to get the business going.
To get back on track simply be gentle with yourself, and to take small steps till your energy and emotions shift to more positive ones. The key is not to beat yourself up and feel guilty because you got off track and disappointed. This is a waste. So do what you can to not indulge in the feelings and thoughts like this. When you feel yourself thinking this way and feeling low or your energy dropping, stop and close your eyes. Take a breath and step back from yourself. Watch the thoughts and feelings move by in front of you like a stream, just be there. Allow the emotions to subside. Make sure you do not grab hold of any of them. By this I mean if you ‘see’ the thought “am I lazy? What’s wrong with me?” be aware not to ‘grab’ it and run with it and start saying more thing like “Yea, I know and I always will be and it won’t change and why do I bother…”… you see? Separate yourself from the stream of depleting thoughts  and let them keep moving by, do not dive into them and go deeper. You may have to stop yourself a few times and redirect yourself back to watching instead of participating. This is normal, just keep stepping back, over and over till you can sit and watch. Once the feelings are not as intense,  then you can start to ask yourself this:
“This is not the real me, the real me is joy, prosperity, happiness, energy. This is just the old habits talking, and I can change those. Now I choose to feel I can do it, I choose to focus on the great life waiting for me just around the corner. Now I feel more calm, and I am feeling like the storm has passed and that is good, cause now I can look out with a clear view again and focus on the way I know my life can be, really is and will be shortly. I am in control of my thoughts and feelings, and I now choose energy, focus, happoiness….” you get the point, just slowly talk yourself up into a better feeling. It is not possible to accomplish when we feel low and defeated. So don’t try to make major changes when you feel like that, first allow the thoughts and feeling to move through you (do not supress or ignore them too long, as they get stuck, allow them to move through you ). Once the wave is over, you can begin to focus on feeling better,
When things do not go the way we hope, it simply means there is something better coming… hold the framework of “everything is an opportunity : firmly in your mine. Decide that even though the evidence showing up may not yet reflect this, that you KNOW, you BELIEVE, it is in the process of being created and delivered to you.  Use the experience to see new ways of doing things, and ask ‘what can I do in this situation next time that will best create the outcome I desire”.
For now I would think of things that make you feel good and do them, pick your energy up and choose one thing to focus on that will be easy to do and you will feel good when it is done. Once you accomplish it, write it in your proof journal (if you have one look back at your past successes and read them, very inspiring!) and then do a small celebration, go have ice cream or take a nap or whatever you like best. Then choose one more thing… think of it like you fell down a canyon and you simply have to climb back to the top and continue on, it is just energy and energy changes all the time!
Decide to adopt the attitude “Nothing can stop me from uncovering my dreams and living my abundant happy life, and this is just a bump on the road!”  Meditate, visualize your goals and then set a date to work on your … most important idea…. for 10 minutes only, just sit down and do something… then again….
Love, Nan”