“Why is THAT coming up again?! I thought I had cleared that!

By July 30, 2008 Blog

“Why is THAT coming up again?! I thought I had cleared that! Sound familiar to anyone?
This could also be called “Dealing with a passive aggressive personality?” #2. That was a blog I did awhile back that someone commented on and as I responded I thought of how that has been a theme in my life recently and thought I would discuss it some more. CLick the title of the blog and read it and the comments.
So, I have been designing my life to be mobile and still be able to run my business and so I am on a 6 week trip in Europe and still am able to ‘work’. How does this completely other topic relate to passive aggressive personalities? I love to travel and experience other people and places. It inspires me, makes me happy and brings out the best in me…usually! However, this trip, since I arrived here I have had strange bouts of depression, fear, worried feelings and this is not at all how I normally am. I am frustrated because I want to be fully present and enjoy the places, people and experiences, and yet I even had a panic attack a few days ago and I have not had one of those in years!
Why? Well, what I have begun to sort out is that I still have repressed anger towards the people in my life who were passive aggressive, critical, judgemental and cruel, despite all the releasing work I have done. For some strange reason, even though they have traveled extensively themselves, and still can, have a lot of money and can do whatever they like, they hate it when I travel. I have allowed this to affect me, in that even when I would take a trip that i wanted to, there was alwasy an underlying gut feeling or wory about them sitting there being mad at me and how it would surface later. It is almost like alittle kid who knows they are not supposed to do something, but just has to and does it anyway. That is how I felt a lot.

I have come very very far, and yet it still surfaces. My anger was partly due to the fact that i was pissed at myself for not having completely released this. I feel like I am able to live in such joy and connection to source so much of the time, I feel I ‘should’ not have to deal with this any more. Sound familiar to anyone? Well, details aside of all i have put myself through, I have realized a few things that I feel will benefit some of you who still deal with self worth issues, others you allow to control you or caring what others think and not living your own life just the way you want to, no excuses.
1. When we allow what others think, or what they said or did to us, to affect how we feel, act and what we do, we are giving our power away. We cannot live life to the fullest and enjoy life if we are living for anyone excpet ourselves. if that makes you squirm, you may want to llok at it. Selfishness is not what we have been taught. Selfishness is caring for yourself, respecting yourself, not being mean and careless to others. Reframe your thinking and put yourself first and life will begin to blossom for you in ways you could not have imagined.
More tomorrow…let me know what you feel and enjoy YOUR day just the way YOU want to !!